Chores

Now, I am fair sure I have complained about chores before, but here is to complaining more about them.

Now, as it is the holidays, and festive seasons are upon us, my parents seem to neglect the bit about being festive with me, and embrace the bit about being festive with other people. This means, I get stuck with all the chores, and the telling off, and then forced to clean for the numerous parties they hold. This would be all fine and all that, but technically, I should be in Melbourne.. damn parents won't let me go.

So, here I sit, at the end of another party, after my dad forced me to play the good son, instead of the lazy one that I usually play, watching more How I Met Your Mother and facebooking, a task which has become instinctive to me. The house is spotless as usual, and my floors and carpets are looking ever so spectacular, not that anyone appreciates.. No one ever notices how clean the floors or carpets look... damn family stick me with the hardest, least rewarding job.

My caffeine intake has taken a sharp rise over these last few days. I have taken at least two cans of coke each day. Not healthy, I know, but shuttup, I've been exercising. I have to do all my lazing and procrastinating when no one is not awake, and not telling me off for not doing chores. Now that it is the holidays, and there is really nothing on during the day, except the Cricket, which I enjoy watching, but no one else in my family do, so they just automatically assume it's not worth watching and therefore I am just lazing around, which therefore means I have time to do whatever their bidding is. Oh, I hope for new years eve. I have plans ahead, but these next few days shall be a testing time, filled with late-night eating, caffeine overloading, chores and being told off. Also, I'm quite sure I will not be able to hold off my dad's urging for me to start studying for next year that much longer. I have a stack of old exams of my subjects for next year, as well as a maths book, looking rummaged, as if I have been using it. But alas, I do not think that will hold him off too much more. For one, they aren't in my room, and my room is a mess, so he will catch on eventually. Probably tomorrow. Seeing as there is no party, and the house is clean enough for parents to neglect me to my procrastination... Oh, I'm screwed.

Oblivious

I noted in earlier blogs that I was completely oblivious to one's affections when it involves myself, and really, one's affection in any case. Except obviously when someone tells me, which is often done. But back to the point, I am extremely dull when it comes to me, and girls.

Now, just like your average guy, I am very sexually inappropriate with my friends, mostly the guys, not the girls, which is apparently starting to get awkward. Especially me and Steve... No one needs to see what me and Steve get up to in a dark room. I don't know how this is relevant to my story, but I felt the need to point it out.

Back to the main blog, my senses have grown over the last few years. From grade 8, when I was completely oblivious to a girl's affection, even when someone blatantly told me to my face that a girl liked me, I have moved onto, noticing creepy stalker girls/guys, who seem a wee bit too interested in my day. In these 4-5 years, I have moved from completely dull, to very dull. I find this a small achievement. Maybe it was my constant flirting, with guys mainly, girls got the insults, that dulled me to any moves made by any interested parties.

Like, you can be dull, then you can be shockingly stupid, then you can be what I am.

I am currently so self-absorbed, I don't see things happening between other people, solely relying on gossip, to get me around the rumours at school. This is not a recommended system of information, but it works if you have a large influx of gossip, or you go to a small school.

... As I was saying before, the girls I do notice, I find extremely scary, freaky, and down-right stalker-ish. I find a lot of people stalk me. Guys, girls, in-betweens.

Wait, does anyone else notice when someone likes them? Because I'm always told afterwards.

I have a theory... Well, more of a conspiracy. Obviously I am being messed with by all girls I meet, and there is a webpage out there dedicated to shaping my life, or whatever.. like the Truman Show.... hm, I can be downright perceptive when I want to be.... except when it comes to girls.. they are too confusing... and guys.. they are too dimwitted... and in-betweens.. don't know what they are thinking...

Romance

I look into the computer screen, silently laughing at the comments before me. I imagine they were doing the same thing on the opposite side of the spectrum. I laugh at the ridiculous observations made, which are directed towards me, and the sheer 'WTF' is enough to send me into tears of laughter. I of course, was talking to a guy about who I liked.

I don't know if it's just me, or that every guy at some point apparently likes 5 girls at the same time. From last year, at Norwood Morialta, to this year at Eynesbury, one or more of my guy friends will note that I either have liked, or like at least 3+ girls at the same time... Now thinking about it, it may be my carefree, affectionate personality that allows me to bond closer than the awkward friendship between traditional boys and girls while he tries desperately not to stare at her breasts, and she tries desperately to get him to start talking.

Now, I don't know about anyone else, but multiple figures seems a bit excessive for even myself.

Okay, by 'liking', I mean your plain and simple die-hard crush. Not just the simple, small, 'Oh, noticed you are hot and now am slightly interested' crush, the full crush, in which ends, or at least somewhere in the middle with the guy getting the girl. Or the girl getting the guy... or whatever weird and wonderful combination you enjoy. Whatever floats your boat!

So, multiple figures of these is a bit slutty.

1 - Okay, this amount is safe, full, and frankly paramount to the survival of the human race. Yes, even if you are ugly, you are still contributing so I guess we can accept your 'help'.

2 - Okay, fair enough. Enjoying the comfort in knowing that if you were to lose one of these crushes, you have a back-up, is quite alright. Not very ethical, but, hey, boys are boys.

3 - You are again lowering your chances in getting your fairytale ending, with three girls. Yes, you might see it in the movies, but seriously, juggling the fact you have the hots for 3 women is not particularly easy, and you would most likely be caught. Girls do talk, granted how annoying it is, and they do find out a lot about said boy, if needed.

4 - Best thing I can say is that it's an even number. Three is a bit more of a better number though.. Four is a bit of an awkward number. Although, if I were to run four girls, at the same time. I would be legen- wait for it . . . . . . - DARY! Legendary.

5 - Well, that's a large ego. If you never want to act on any of these long-term crushes, then you should be relatively fine.

Simple put, I do not know how my friends came to the conclusion that I was enamored with 5 different girls, and frankly I find it quite amusing they thought I would slut it up enough for that.

Boredom

So, you would think that someone of my size and figure would most likely take a more cardiovascular route, on the road to peak fitness. But according to my friends, who just absolutely love to see me pump the iron, I am regulated to doing a large amount of weights work with them. So, I sit there, as they pull 15kg+, and I find it hard holding 7.5kg in my slim arms, hankered by the laziness of 17years of no upperbody exercise. Why do people get so obsessed with looking buff? Slim is nice. And why am I always so late to follow the stereotypes of male activities? .... don't take that the wrong way, kids....

Also, Christmas is coming up, and I am yet to buy my family gifts. Also, my sister's birthday, is on the 23rd. I'm yet to buy her another gift. I hope they can all find it within their hearts to either not need a present, or wait till sales come out, so I can get stuff cheap for them, just like an asian would.

............what else to blog about?.................

oh yeah!
Tiger Woods. I have to say, 15 women? What a frickin' champ.

Deathly Heat

I sit there, squirming and fidgeting, desperately looking for cooler regions to delve into. The sweat is already producing, even though I had a cold, cold shower not only 10minutes previously. I rid myself of all my pillows and blankets, and lie there, basically naked. I cannot get to sleep. It is too hot.

Yes, this was the scene, about 4 hours ago, and has been the scene for... well, 4 hours. Summer has finally come upon us, and right now we are in an awkward phase of erratic weather, with low 20degree weather on some days, that will have us reaching for pants (dreaded things, aren't they?), and then the next day where temperature sky rockets, and you even begin to scorn clothes in general.

So, now I am up, here with my lovely blog, hyped up on caffeine, and body heat too high that I can surely not fall asleep. I worry about my early gym session tomorrow, although with temperatures set to hit 39degrees, I can be sure that I will not fall asleep. I have the ability to not fall asleep anywhere apart from a bed, unless I'm deathly tired. Even still, when in bed it takes me a large amount of time to get to sleep.

Also, since I have given up on sleeping, I took another shower at about 5:15. It is now 5:36, I have barely moved at all, and I'm not in my sauna of a room, instead in the cooler study room, and still I'm sweating. I checked the thermometer before, for the room temp. We were hitting 30's.......

P.S: OH SHIT, WHEN DID THE SUN RISE?

Dammit, I always miss the sunrise... and sunset for that matter.

Gym

I pump my legs. I can feel the strain, as I push myself further. I haven't done this in a while, and my muscles were getting rusty. That is right, I am exercising. On a bike machine thingoe in fact.

Exercise. It is just a new things that most teenagers seem to be obsessed with. Usually, I couldn't care less, as I could eat anything and still shrinking, but the recent winter, which in my case means hibernation from any form of exercise, seems to have halted my surprisingly good metabolism. I have entered the working-out phase. Well, I am just going to start, but I am starting to become self-conscious of my body, which I wish to tone up more, so I can impress my fellow guy friends, and hopefully impress the ladies. (But, to be clear, it is so I can stare at myself in the mirror and marvel in pride once again)

So, what is with this recent trend in working out for males?

Is the testosterone up? Boys not.. finding personal time as much anymore, instead working out so they are 'buff' and can impress the ladies. I never really cared for it before, but I now see the error of my ways, and how I cannot just rely on my boyish good looks, which coincides with my devilishly cheeky cynicism. I have the talking nailed down, and all I need is to learn how to close properly, initiate, and go further in the chase.. as well as improving my physical fitness.

But enough about how I chase women, what is with this recent epidemic of people working out?

One reason would be to impress women. The more obvious reason would be to develop physicality in an effort to intimidate all other guys, and make your territory. Another reason is because they are obsessed with the perfect body. A more common reason would be because they secretly harbour homo-erotic feelings, and love seeing abs of steel, and perfectly oiled chests... I feel so dirty just saying that...

Jobs

I stand across the imaginary ring, staring at the vicious opponent, dead in the eye. He does the same. He runs at me, arms flailing. I sidestep, grabbing him, and picking him up before crunching him into the ground. I remember this triumphant feeling, I am back in my prime.. Granted, I just crunched a 6yo, and I didn't really hurt him, and he is desperately grabbing at my legs to trip me over, while a large number of other little kids tackle me to the ground.

Yes, I know it's the holidays, because I am working at the day centre. Surrounded by kids who look up to me, listening to my every order, and totally disregarding it 2 minutes later, just like every time I work there. The kids, and how annoying they get. You never know how annoying little kids are, until their parents go home. They go nuts when with their fellow brethren. But, I find it is better work than McDonald's or something, because then I would have to deal with snobby little kids who can be douchebags and know that I can't do anything on the spot. At the day care, they are stuck with me for the day, and I remember how annoying it is to sit in a corner for even 3 minutes.

But, one would have to ask, how did I get a job at a daycare? Well, my parents run it and force me to work underpaid, and overworked. So, it evens out that I bludge all the time, and play fight with the kids.

They also get me to work at a post office, which they also run, which is equally as fun. We get the funniest mail, such as the other day when a letter came in, addressed from 'The Brotherhood of Magicians'. Most. Epic. Letter. Ever.

But what about my jobs, this can't just be a blog, boasting about how although I'm overworked, and underpaid, I still have it better than most teenagers working. This blog is about all jobs.

I have slightly ranked best jobs to worst jobs, that the majority of teenagers can actually score.

Up top, would have to be something like a event promoter, or model. Event promoters just have to send things around on facebook and nag people, and they get paid. Hardly any hard work, and they still get paid. Models, probably earn the best, and you just have to be hot and know it.

Next would be something around farming, hairdressers, or something like that. They would get some experience in that, and I hear they do get paid a bit.

After that, would be my job, daycare. I could be higher, if I got paid more, but I don't. People who look after less kids, like 2-3, would have it a lot better, because there's not enough to go mental, there is a lot of bludge work, and basically you get to relive childhood for a while and get paid for it.

Jobs at K-mart, Woolworths, etc. These are next, because guys, would most likely be grunts, and do all the heavy lifting, which is fine because they can bludge a fair bit, and still count large numbers of hours, getting better pay. Girls will be checkout chicks, flashing smiles, working the scans, and although it can get pretty hairy, do get decent pay.

At the bottom of the food chain... are the food-chains, fast-food in particular. Restaurant and Cafes are ranked ahead, because they probably get better pay, and don't leave with acne or have to work ridiculous hours. Fast food-chain kids may get some pay, but the amount of work they have to put up with seems a bit wasted. Also, it does get pretty boring around a McDonald's when no one is there. The late-night kids might get some joy in some drunkards going through drive-thru, but I can't think of anything else.

So, that's my view on teenage jobs, maybe we should aim higher.

Losing Things

Why, and seriously, why do I always lose things? I know where I put them, and I know I didn't lose them, and usually most of the time I am looking for them because my family moved them, which annoys me terribly. Usually, me losing things results in me finding my graphics calculator to call them, because my theory is that, if I use something not normally used to call things, I can find things that don't receive calls. This is yet to work, but I do have an enjoyable time in class with Natalie pretending to talk on our calculators.

.. I get too off topic too quickly,

Back to the topic, but yes, I lose things very easily. My work, my money, my phone, my ipod, my sanity, my manhood, etc. I eventually find them again, but you know, its annoying...

Everyone has lost the keys once in a while (Lucky me, I have a number lock), and everyone has lost a toe or something, so you all know what I'm talking about.

So, what causes people to forget things, or lose things?

In my case, its because I'm looking for other things and forget where I put other things in the process.

Example, this morning I was rushing, and had to look for my earphones. I couldn't find them, and then started looking for my wallet, which I found with my earphones. I thought it was a win. What I forgot though? My retainers. Would've been fine, but I was rushing to an orthodontist appointment on my retainers.

Second example, sister calls up. Asks me for a book, that I haven't returned from school. Thing is, it was a book from the school I went to the year before. That's a year's worth of lost item.

Third example: I was at Tammy's house, giving her Eynesbury kids's present, an iPod Touch. She was reminding me of things that happened at her party on Saturday. That's a few hours worth of lost memory.

As I said, I lose things..

P.S: People rage when they, or others lose things. Such as sports games. Where did all those lost winning points go? (Yes, I think I have the wrong mindset here)

Onset of Party-fever, with a mild case of Irresponsibility

Food gradually decreases, and I've been hitting the dancefloor for a good 10 minutes now. Pictures are being taken left and right of the center, and my poses are just astonishing. The lights eventually flicker to life, and soon the drinks are brought in.

The time, 9:00PM.

The night has descended upon us, and the music is now blasting with dancing music. I am now hitting the dancefloor harder than everyone else, dancing with myself, and anyone who chose to join me. My affectionate nature has taken over, and I have reduced to giving kisses to everyone around me, telling them that I love them, and asking many girls not to take advantage of me, yet I'm going around stealing kisses from everyone. I think its safe to assume, that I am enjoying life at a party.

Parties, oh what a wonderful event! They can be held in total innocence, with pixies and ponies, or dealing with hard liquor and people making history on the dancefloor. Seems like I was at the second option, when I wanted to go to the first.

Parties have their good and their bad sides, ranging from fresh new experiences for young males, and then fresh new experiences for young females.. I hope you can tell the difference there.

They can bring great joy, and under strenuous circumstances, unexplainable injuries, memory loss and great feats of bodily functions.

They can also be quite hard to handle, leaving a large cleanup, and also many hours of preparation.

Parties can bring people closer together, and also leave people shattered. Parties can produce awkward co-incidents, such as a blood nose combined with vomit. One can only think about how one would breathe. In my experience, it doesn't hinder your breathing in anyway, just is really damn confusing.

But what are parties?

A joyous event where a social gathering is set up and people rock up to have an enjoyable time.

So, why am I talking about parties?

Well, recently I have finished school for the year, and parties are beginning to increase in number and size, with the number of drunk teens rapidly rising. Me, being the usually sober one, is indefinitely lucky that I have not recieved my P's yet or I would be a taxi. That, and because I'm too lazy and crap to get my P's.

But back to drunk teens, yes the number is on the rise, and I don't see any decreases soon. The jolt was started from schoolies, and has been on the up and up ever since. Christmas is coming, and I don't think half my friends will remember NewYears.

Such as the case of last year's New Years, I will stand there counting down inside a room full of people, while my friend, who passed out on the couch, is screaming at everyone to shut up. I see a similar case this year, if I don't leave for Melbourne.

So bring on the parties, I will meet the next few, head-on, with the sole intent on at least remembering half my night, and not giving away my innocence to any strangers.

P.S: Let it be noted that blood noses and vomiting is considered a favourable highlight of everyone witnessing, apart from the person doing it. It's really confusing, because you don't know where the blood is coming from, and you are trying to concentrate on vomiting. So, let it be noted, that although usually multi-tasking for men is considered a blessing, multi-tasking body functions is considered a hilarity.